With Teeth.

Trent vs. John Malm

2005-05-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

Crush?

2005-05-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

"Yeah, but only for a couple days."

Happy Birthday Luis.

2005-03-30T12:29:00.000-08:00

I was just listening to the left side of The Fragile in the dark room. And this kid that I absolutely HATE, turns to me and says..."I love Nine Inch Nails, is this one of their new songs?" And I inform this HUGE NIN fans that NIN has not come out with a "new one" in six years. Then he goes on to ask me if the song "Like an animal" is on this one. HA. I went on to humiliate him accordingly.

Billie Jean.

2005-03-20T13:21:00.000-08:00

Billie Jean is not my lover.
She's just a girl who thinks that I am the one.

The Hand That Feeds.

2005-03-17T18:02:00.000-08:00

you're keeping in step
in the line
got your chin held high and you feel just fine
because you do
what you're told
but inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold

just how deep do you believe?
will you bite the hand that feeds?
will you chew until it bleeds?
can you get up off your knees?
are you brave enough to see?
do you want to change it?

what if this whole crusade's
a charade
and behind it all there's a price to be paid
for the blood
on which we dine
justified in the name of the holy and the divine

just how deep do you believe?
will you bite the hand that feeds?
will you chew until it bleeds?
can you get up off your knees?
are you brave enough to see?
do you want to change it?

so naïve
to keep holding on to what I want to believe
i can see
but i keep holding on and on and on and on

will you bite the hand that feeds you?
will you stay down on your knees?

Desaturation.

2005-03-14T12:00:00.000-08:00

Where's the saturation?

Hitchhiking.

2005-03-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

I am standing on the side of the road.
And I can't figure out why none of you will stop.

Schisms.

2005-03-06T15:30:00.000-08:00

Happiness is so very fickle.
As the four horsemen rode together, one fell behind.
Like a puzzle.
The pieces seem to fit for only a short time.
And the smallest trigger.
The simplest gesture.
The remembrance of the most mundane details.
And the pieces all fall apart.
Cracks and fissures begin to form in your psyche.
And all of sudden you wonder how you ever felt that way.
That happiness.
That...happiness.
You begin to wonder which feels more right.
A slightly tainted happiness, with little lies and secrets hidden all over.
Or embracing your depression, your anger, your rage and just feeling everything for what it is.
I am the schismatic of everything holy.
Is love a frantic eternity?
Or is it no eternity at all?

We suck young blood.

2005-03-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

Are you hungry?
Are you sick?
Are you begging for a break?
Are you sweet?
Are you fresh?
Are you strung up by the wrists?
We want the young blood
Are you fracturing?
Are you torn at the seams?
Would you do anything?
Fleabitten motheaten?
We suck young blood
We suck young blood
Woah woah
Won't let the creeping ivy
Won't let the nervous bury me
Our veins are thin
Our rivers poisoned
We want the sweet meat
We want the young blood

2005-03-03T11:50:00.000-08:00

My confidence.
I want it.
I want it.
I want it.

2005-03-03T11:48:00.000-08:00

Love is frantic eternity.

2005-03-02T12:43:00.000-08:00

I hate you Luis.

2005-03-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

Why didn't you just leave?...

...

You liked it, didn't you?

2005-02-28T12:57:00.000-08:00

NIN hotline has confirmed Dresden Dolls as NIN opening act in San Francisco and San Diego.

2005-02-26T14:42:00.000-08:00

Can anyone see me?

Hunter S. Thompson

2005-02-26T00:52:00.000-08:00

A word to the wise is infuriating.
Hunter S. Thompson

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
Hunter S. Thompson

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
Hunter S. Thompson

Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.
Hunter S. Thompson

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
Hunter S. Thompson

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past ten years, about 600 people - including me - would be rotting in prison cells from Rio to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism.
Hunter S. Thompson

No man is so foolish but he may sometimes give another good counsel, and no man so wise that he may not easily err if he takes no other counsel than his own. He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master.
Hunter S. Thompson

Publishers are notoriously slothful about numbers, unless they're attached to dollar signs - unlike journalists, quarterbacks, and felony criminal defendants who tend to be keenly aware of numbers at all times.
Hunter S. Thompson

That was always the difference between Muhammad Ali and the rest of us. He came, he saw, and if he didn't entirely conquer - he came as close as anybody we are likely to see in the lifetime of this doomed generation.
Hunter S. Thompson

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
Hunter S. Thompson

The person who doesn't scatter the morning dew will not comb gray hairs
Hunter S. Thompson

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
Hunter S. Thompson

Quote.

2005-02-25T22:01:00.000-08:00

"I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough."

~T A P E W O R M~

2005-02-25T16:24:00.000-08:00

T A P E W O R M
I am listening to Tapworm and it is the best thing I have ever heard.
Period.
It is so good.
Maynard.
Manson.
Reznor.
Skinny Puppy.
And some others that I have not heard yet.
I am in heaven.
I had two orgasms when I heard it.

I am made of clay.

2005-02-24T17:26:00.000-08:00

I am a big man,
And maybe this is a cry for help but,
I want to fuck everyone in the world and,
I'm losing ground
I'm stuck in this dream it's changing me I am becoming.
I can try to scratch away the sound in my ears but,
hiding backwards inside of me I feel so unafraid.

Oh my precious whore.

I got me a big old Dick and I,
I like to have fun
I'm every inch a man, and I'll show you somehow.
The ruiner's a collector
you know I can see what you really are
the raping of the innocent
you know the ruiner.
You believed in all your lies, didn't you?

I am the bullet in the gun and I control you.
I drag you down I use you up.
I am the needle in your vein and I control you.
The needle tears a hole and,
I am so impure.

Oh my beautiful liar.

She has the blood of reptile.
I now know the depths I reach are limitless.

You Fucking Dissapoint Me.

2005-02-24T03:06:00.000-08:00

Dead as dead can be, my doctor tells me
But I just can’t believe him, never the optimistic one
I’m sure of your ability to become my perfect enemy
Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I will walk away and say, You disappoint me,
Maybe you’re better off this way

Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
To become…my perfect enemy…

Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I’ll walk away and say, You disappoint me,
Maybe you’re better off this way

Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
You’re better of this…you’re better off this…
Maybe you’re better off!

Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I’ll walk away and say, You fucking disappoint me!
Maybe you’re better off this way

Go ahead and play dead
I know that you can hear this
Go ahead and play dead
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
You fucking disappoint me!

Here in it lies.

2005-02-24T02:31:00.000-08:00

What does it mean to trust another?

I fear I will never know for sure the true nature of man.

Is it still a lie if it is ensured that no one will ever find out?
Yes.
Can it still hurt if there were no predetermined right or wrongs?
Yes.
Is it possible for your feelings to be hurt over the most trivial of things?
Yes.
Is it still wrong if it is only wrong to you and not to the rest of the world?
Here in lies the question.

Where does judgement start and fact end?
Who decides what morals are right or wrong?
If the man steals the bread to feed his starving family.
But what if the bread was important too?
To the owner of the bread, this would be a great injustice.

When does your responsiblity for the happiness of a person go away?
When does it stop being a blessing and start becoming a burden?
When conveinient?
Of course.
When else?

Once again the duality of man stops me from reaching my conclusions.

There is a point in all of our lives when we consider the ones we love to be a blessing, a gift, a love that nothing can overcome.
Then there are those times when we want to let lose.
After all, those people are really not my responsibility.

Here in lies my fear.
For I have felt this way too.
When do you all decide that I am not your respnsibility and give away everything I have given you?
You are right after all, I am not your respnsibility and I do not want anyone to feel that way.
But I also do not anyone to have that kind of power over me.
If I am to give you my heart and my love I want you to want to want it.

But there will always be that time that you don't want it anymore.

Here in lies my cunundrum.

The dualility of mans mind is too cruel.
For it does not know what it wants.

He who questions will always hurt the ones they love.
And that means all of us.

He who hesitates is lost.

M.E.M.O.R.A.B.I.L.I.A.

2005-02-23T14:55:00.000-08:00

Wherever I go
I take a little piece of you
I collect
I reject
photographs I took of you

well times I passed through
so many faces
so many places
I have got to have a memory
I have never been there
I have never had you

I can't remember
give me your reminder
I collect
I reject

memorabilia
(now girl... only it's flavor... bow down here)

keychains and snowstorms
the taste of your sweat
the look in your eye
I have been inside you
I know what it feels like
(wet as it is... the whiter the honey)
I collect
I reject

memorabilia
(goodies come in here all day)

give me your reminder
I can't remember
I collect
I reject

The meaning of life.

2005-02-23T12:29:00.000-08:00

Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die,
than give you control.

A word from Mrs. Streisand.

2005-02-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

This Time Imperfect

2005-02-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay,
Forever haunted, more than afraid.
Asphyxiate on words I would say,
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave,
Just like all I loved, I make believe.
Imagine heart, I disappear, seems,
No one will appear, here and make me real.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I'd tell you how it haunts me,
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams.)
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams.)
You don't care that it haunts me.

Oh,
There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

Just how much this, hurts me.

Just how much you...

Nothing seems to penetrate her. She's scared as hell.

2005-02-20T00:09:00.000-08:00

Feel my shadow changing me.

Stepping out and over me.

Walking through the desparate early hours of the morning.
When the bold and twisted are the only things filling me up.

Reeling at the thought of feeling.
Terrified of my lonley bed.
The empty room.

That sickly feeling of a dirty room that is not your own.
When the mattress feels cold and ungiving.

"In this house."

The meaning of that poem has lost its meaning.
Or is it just preserved in the past?
Forever a memory.

I would love to just lose myself in the deafening beauty of intoxication.

I hate this place.
It is bad for the soul.

When I am here, my baby carrots are simlpy fingers.
My eyes feel dull and lifeless.

All the pain from the past year.
The past six months.
The past week.
It all comes here.
To wait for me.
And here, it finds me.

It makes me cry out in my sleep.
Makes everything not okay.

Everything won't be okay.
Despite what they say.
Despite what they say.

N I N E~I N C H~N A I L S

2005-02-19T20:01:00.000-08:00

I got my head, but my head is unraveling
Can’t keep control, can’t keep track of where it’s traveling
I got my heart but my heart is no good
And you’re the only one that’s understood
I come along but I don’t know where you’re taking me
I shouldn’t go but you’re reaching back and shaking me
Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you, the more I die

And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you

You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug

You make me hard, when I’m all soft inside
I see the truth, when I’m all stupid eyed
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you everything just falls apart

My blood wants to say hello to you
My feelings want to get inside of you
My soul is so afraid to realize
Every little word is a lack of me

And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you

You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
(whispering)
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the drug, the perfect drug

Take me, with you
Take me, with you
Take me, with you
(continues in backround)
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces
It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces
It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces

Faith Renewed.

2005-02-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

My day just picked up.
My negative tragety turned out alright.
Noel gave me a 40/50 on my six negatives.
SIX.
That is amazing.
She said it was becuase she likes me.
SWEEEET.
So I have a 106% in the class.
I rock.

It was too late.

2005-02-16T22:14:00.000-08:00

I want to die.
I have got to be the stupidest person in the world.
I just exposed a whole roll of film that I have been struggling with all day.
And it is due tomorrow.
First my meter wasn't working and so I got pissed an just started clicking the shutter release.
I decided that 8 was enough exposures.
But then in my madness I completely forgot to wind the film before I opened the back of the camera.
A pox on me.
I am no photographer.
I better study up in the custodial arts.
I am so frustrated that I am so on the verge of tears.
I hate myself.
And I called Devin and Lacey is using the goddamn phone.
And Shawn is out with his friends.
And Ian is at work.
Everyone else in world is asleep to me.
I want to dissapear right now.
Hurt myself.
Fall away.
I need someone to talk to.
I am lonely.
SteVe just made me smile.
How unexpected.

[Untitled]

2005-02-16T19:39:00.000-08:00

We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."
The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two.
I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message.

2005-02-15T12:29:00.000-08:00

------->I am the schismatic of love<--------

Dodging in the rain.

2005-02-15T12:16:00.000-08:00

I am in photo and I just printed like ten prints.
They mostly suck.
I was trying to burn in density into a landscape of Monterey.
It's a really cool print, but the dodging was hard.
Some came out okay, others you could tell that they were dodged.
So now I am here, refusing to waste anymore of my shopcard.
Last night was really fun.
SHAWN BOUGHT ME A COACHELLA TICKET.
Shawn, you are amazing.
My stomach hurts for I didn't eat lunch.
Don't have any money.
Well I do but I do no want to spend it.
I told this girl in my Algebra II class about Monster's Inc.
She freaked out.
She thought it was the sweetest thing she's ever heard.
So thank you Shawn.
I should go.
I need to find my "Emphasis" negatives.
XOXO

"Roll the dice to see if I am getting drunk!"

2005-02-14T17:32:00.000-08:00

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Last night was so fun! Arthur is in town! We showed up at his door and I swear to God it sounded like some kind of bird show on Animal Planet. Kelly, Arthur, and I just screamed and jumped up and down. It was so fun. We went back and hooked up his sexy ass computer, and then off to Shawn's house we went.
Steven got me fuckin' Bopit' Extreme 2! It was so great. So many people wanted my sex last night, and I did not even have to feel bad for all of them were either gay males or straight females. Because of this fact, I asked numerous people last night if I looked like a man, they all said no, but they were most likely just being polite. I kissed Kelly, no I didn't make out with Kelly, just kissed, but I also do not think it was the booze talking, I just wanted to kiss her. HA! I AM A LESBIAN. Pretty sure one or two parties have lost all respect for me though, you will remain nameless. I am running on about two motor skills so bear with the mistakes...I got 0 hours of sleep. I got to know some really cool people, I really liked Ed. JP creeps me out to an insane degree though. OH MY GOD! Shawn and Dan bathed together, it was so hot. We got so many pictures. Kelly got really pissed off when Elektra saw Dan's wang, I would too though, if my friend had the hots for my boyfriend. Elektra made me feel insecure at times for Kelly wanted her sex more. Oh, but everyone made a point of telling me just how insecure I was, so that was fun. Elektra is all about the hetero anyways though. She did sex me up earlier in the night, but then she found a cock that she would rather chase after. That was not meant to sound like a burn, I know how it is. I found myself missing Devin at times, cause I really thoguht he would have had fun, and I know that sounds like bullshit since he is not all about the alcohol thing, but I think he would have. NO COMMENTS, I DO NOT CARE! P.S. I know that I am also not all about the alcohol and I still had fun so that point was completly invalid. But anywho, I got to know Shawn better, that was cool. Up until recently I thought he kinda disliked me, but he doesn't, so that is good. Dan got me the coolest fucking shirt in the world!, but he must take it back because he thinks I am fat and got a size too big for me. I am listening to Adam's Song, Blink 182. I like this song. Oh my god, we listened to the D and totally rocked out, me, Kelly, Steven, Shawn, Arthur, and anyone alse who knew the occasional line and decided to scream it out. Kelly and Dan did not sleep with the rest of us, so I cuddled with Arthur and Shawn. I am so happy, I finally have my homosexual Love Slave! Arthur fucking rules!! I must wrap up this post, for I must go shower.

This is to my party crew.

2005-02-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

Kelly.
Dan.
Shawn.
Dustin.
Elektra.

What the fuck!?
Why have we not gotten smashed in so long?
Decamber 23, 2004 was one of the best nights of my fucking life.
Lets do it again!!!
February 21, 2005.
There's a window!

I SAID BALL, I MEAN BALL!

This is the End.

2005-02-13T14:57:00.000-08:00

Flood insurance.
Earthquake insurance.
Life insurance.
Death insurance.

This isn’t life. Everything we have is surrounded by a comfortable bubble. Everything is okay.

Seatbelts.
Airbags.
Kevlar vests.
Fire drills.
Lock down drills.
Shelter and place.

We are simply conditioned to be afraid. So that we will be prepared if anything out of the norm happens. So that we can recognize change and be ready to fight it.

Breast ogmentation.
Cosmetic surgery.
Medications.
Ointments.
Anti-depressants.

We don't have to feel anything that we do not want to. We are allowed to just hide in our safety zones. In our fire insured homes, our dual airbag cars to get our anti-depressants so we won't have to feel that our lives our empty.
At least we will be safe.
Reassured.
Reimbersed.
Ready.

You are now. One of us.

2005-02-13T11:16:00.000-08:00

You're so excuisite,
Midnight eyes.

It's Cinematic.
It's Twisted.

I am the star.

I cannot leave here.
I cannot stay.

Forever haunted,
more than afraid.

Am I the star?

There are no flowers.
No.
Not this time.

No beauty gracing the lies.

It's just so silver and cold.

I left here in darkeness and found you
on the way.

Oh my beautiful one.

Light like the flutter of wings.

"So I will paint you in silver.
I will wrap you in cold."

Your sins into me.

!@#$$%^^$#@@!

2005-02-11T23:35:00.000-08:00

OH MY FUCKING GOD.
I AM FREAKING OUT.
NIN TICKETS GO ON SALE IN LIKE 10 HOURS.
MY INSIDES ARE COMING OUT.

TRIED TO KEEP IT ON THE SURFACE...

Rerouting dreams in the dark.

2005-02-10T17:53:00.000-08:00

Can you bring me like a BIG bowl of applesauce?
Get a real meal, with like a sandwich or something.
I am paying for half.
You got Strawberry!
This is your neck of the woods, not mine.
Oh My God! I know what it is!
It is in color.
We could just drive around.
I don't think he values our friendhip as much as I do.
Which sucks.
I only like rappers with talent.
My family is really fucked up.
She is the only person that I truly hate.
You are so cute!
It only costs $.30.
I know what it is!
JUST KIDDING!
I've never told anyone that before.
People are shit.
You cannot trust anyone.
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson.
My sister, my best friend.
Even my mother.
People just love lying to each other.
It makes me so sad.
"Humble thats the mumble in the jungle short shouts and screams thats the way the cracker crumbles so i guess ive got to reroute my dreams."
YOU ARE SO CUTE!
Suicide is stupid.
I woke up that morning feeling so happy.
I went out into the hall and she told me she had something to tell me.
He tried to hug me.
Dan was the first person I called when I was afraid of myself.
Me too.
My sister started yelling my name.
I didn't even register it.
It was the one and only time I ever cut myself.
I still have the scars.
"I feel like an ass."
I asked how he could do it.
I told him that everything was dead.
I spent my entire childhood trying to be better than average.
Because that is all I ever was to them.
I will never turn into them, no matter how much they want me to.
I hurt you all the time.
No you don't!
I'm feelin' those lighters.
I hate Fred Durst!
It dosen't matter how you feel now when it comes to the future.
The one thing I've learned in all this is that things change, even if they feel eternal.
No one knows.
He's the only man I'd take a bullet for.
Christmas Break was blissful.
I miss it.
Thank you.
I had a wonderful night.
I love you.

Oh My Holy Fucking Shit Cock, This Is It!

2005-02-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

OH MY FUCKING GOD!
NIN TICKETS GO ONSALE SATURDAY.
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
MY INSIDES ARE TRYING TO GET OUT OF ME.
QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE TICKETS DO TOO.
THIS WILL BE THE EPITOME OF MY LIFE UP TILL NOW.
THE CROWNING MOMENT.
I WILL SEE YOU ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE.

Solubility Charts and Burritos

2005-02-08T17:34:00.000-08:00

So I am sitting here creating some chrts and shit for Chemistry, with a splitting headache, eating a burrito, talking to the king of the wolrd, Shawn Paulson. I really want to hang out with him in the morning for I do not have to be at school until 11:45, but alas he has work. I miss him mucho:( My Burrito is cold. So...who knows the periodic trends of Transition Metals? Cause I do. "Trends of Transition Metals can be found in the periods of the Periodic Table." God I am cool.
"I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile, you're all I've ever wanted, my arms are open wide. Tell me how to win your heart for I havn't got a clue. But let me start by sayin' I love you." I miss that sing so much. Stupid Bonnie, taking all my Incubus CD's to...where did she move? And in my mind I've kissed your lips a thousand times. :( I miss that CD. Devin spent the night last night. We watched Garden State again, well really he did. I fell asleep earlier. Then we slept in this morning until like 10:00 and then we made pancakes and eggs, and ENGLISH MUFFINS WITH JAM! It was yummy. This is redundant. I'm gonna make like Jew and cut this one short. Peace out dawgs.

Are you there God? It's me, Becky

2005-02-06T15:57:00.000-08:00

I am so ashamed to be an American.
I mean other cultures have things to be proud of.
We have Bud Light, Duritos, Diet Coke, and the Eagles.
Whatever.
Instead of hanging out with Devin, Ed, and Mike, I am here.
Go Philidelphia Go.
Go New England Go.
I miss the lost art of thought.
I was reading Survivor and the part I am at is when they are at the Superbowl.
It was wierd.
Kiel just came and talked to me about Devin.
He asked me if Devin was trying to get me back.
I said no.
I told him that he was just trying to win back my trust.
That we are trying to soak up as much time together as possible.
Before he leaves.
That felt good though.
It felt like he actually cared.
He said that he is scared that Devin and I are getting together.
I told him that we aren't.
He said some stuff about it being too soon.
And that he loves evin and wants him to forgive himself.
But not forget how much he hurt me.
I love Kiel so much.
He's just looking out foe me.
And he is on Kilonopin.
Vicodin.
Xanex.
So he is in an affectionate mood.
Philidelphia 7
New England 0
Losers.
It's already the second quarter!?
Crazy.
I bought Garden State.
I love that movie.
I hate my family.
They are like something out of a movie.
Paul McCartney is at the Superbowl.
Dear God.
Help us in this time of ignorance.
Devin and I went to Denny's last night.
Mmmm.
Twas good.
Veggie Burger.
Fries.
Brownie smothered in icecream and hot fudge.
Then to Best Buy.
Longs Drugs.
Home.
I guess SteVe was here over the weekend.
Wish I'd seen him.

You fucking dissapoint me.

2005-02-03T15:53:00.000-08:00

I scream into the wind
and laugh as the world slaps me in the face.
I'd gladly trade,
a lifetime of convienience,
for an honest day or two.
It's just not the same when you wake up in the morning
with a smile on your face.
When you know you've lied yourself to sleep
to make it better.
Make it better.
I stand on a building and throw up my arms to the sky.
I swallow my pride.
And know that it's not always best
to understand the reasons why.
It's just not the same when you're staring into
a perfect golden sunset.
Thinking about how you sold your soul to send the rain away.

Rolling Room Picnic

2005-02-03T13:03:00.000-08:00

So Devin and I ate our lunchs in the rolling room of the lab today. It occured to me that we are each other's only friend. Well at school anyway. And even that is not really true. I mean I love Jessie to death. I really do, but I think she gets incomfortable hanging out with me sometimes. I mean she claims that she is still friends with Emily and that probably puts her in a difficult spot and all. I love her too much to put her throught that, for I know how it feels. The rally sucked...a lot. Devin and I just kind of sat alone. Well I hung out with Bri a little and Amber and I made our peace so that was good. Devin is kinda sick and being forced into a room in which he was about eight feet from Emily only made him sicker. So we took refuge in the warm safe-light glow of the dark room. We just sat and talked in the tiny echoing room for a half an hour or so, it was nice, food Devin and photo. Three of my favorite things about life. I bought him a rose to be delivered to his 2nd period room. To attempt to make him cheer up. I called Shawn last night because I was ultra lonely, but he was eating dinner with his family. He told me to call him back but when I did no one answered, so that was kind of a bust. He is so family oriented, it is awesome. I wish I was close with anyone in my family besides my siblings. I miss Bonnie so much! Her birthday is in three days. ::Tear:: Oh Bonnie where art thou? So now I am in photo, reflecting upon my day. Nothing really signifigant. I did the same EXACT thing in both first and second period. Study for tests. Algebra II and Econ. I loath economics. Everything I hate about American greed condensed into one class, with Satan himself as the instructor. have NIN in my backpack, I should go get it, maybe it will cheer me up. I am just so bored. I miss Kelly so much. I seriously cannot go a fucking week without her or I get really sad. And I've been getting sad a lot lately. I comes in shortbursts that I get rid of through thinking of other things.I miss Dan too, and Dustin, and Elektra, and SteVe. T is giving us our next shoot right now. "Emphasis". Shoot something that is part of a whole and put emphasis on detain and such. "The Artist favors light" -T

2005-02-02T15:47:00.000-08:00

And with my one last dying breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

The Kids are not alright.

2005-02-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

So I just got my report card and I am livid.
An A and two B+'s.
Fuck +'s, they are bullshit.
Whatever, I do not want to talk about it.
I spent the night at Devin's last night.
Didn't get my shots in for he was busy and then tired.
Didn't finish my Alebra II homework.
Didn't have any coffee this moring.
Having a terrible day.
My mom was being a bitch from hell yesterday.
I miss Kelly.
Devin and I practically woke p fighting.
I am pretty sure most of it stems from PMS.
So I feel bad.
It is like we are a married couple today.
But that is okay becasue for the past two weeks we have been closer than ever.
I do not know if I am hungry or not.
I think I am but I do not want to spend the money.
I hate money.
Food should be free.
I hate the kids that hang out in here at luch.
They are so loud.
I miss Shawn.
And Dan.
And Arthur.
And StaVe.
I miss the bliss of winter break.
Well, I guess it wasn't bliss.
Tainted Love.
Today is hippie day.
It made me really sad to look out around campus and see all the school spirity stuff.
Knowing that it will not be here next year.
Casabe Halls.
The Roses.
I want someone to buy me a flower so bad.
So I told Devin to.
But it kind of takes away from the magic of having flowers brought to your class.
Maybe not.
I don't know.

"And with my one last dying breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."

Dissapointing day in Photoland.

2005-01-31T18:29:00.000-08:00

So my awesome negatives that I have been so excited about didn't turn out. Too thin, so I must reshoot. But on a happy note, I got a scanner today. I am really confused for we put a bunch of pictures on it that we have taken on our digital camera, but then I am scanning down and there is the picture of Kelly, Arthur and me in Shawn's bathtub. That is on Kelly's computer...how the hell did it get to mine!?!? I am so confused and it will not exactly look good when my mother sees it. So...whatever, I will come up with a good lie. "Oh, no she was just taking off her sweatshirt and her shirt come up and she didn't want her stomach to show in the picture." Something to that effect. I am going to Devin's tonight. THANK GOD. My mother is being ultrabitch. So I will leave you all to it. Good night.

2005-01-30T15:17:00.000-08:00

I want to die right now.